So I want to talk about something I don't like to talk about a lot: my weight. If you've been reading since I first started blogging back in June (unless you're my mom, you probably haven't), then you might remember
this post. Basically, it was my (failed) attempt at losing 50 pounds by Christmas. At this point, I'm pretty sure this isn't going to happen. I could sit here all day and make excuses as to why it isn't, but I won't.
I've spent a lot of time over the past couple of weeks trying to figure out why it is that I'm having such a hard time dieting. I mean, I'm not really a "foodie" or addicted to food or anything (despite what Pinterest might indicate). I think, more than anything, the reason I haven't been losing weight is because I'm not putting enough thought into what it is that I'm consuming. During the day, I'm always the last one to get fed. By the time I do eat, it's usually something quick with little to no nutritional value. Then by the time dinner rolls around, I'm starving and, therefore, tend to overeat.
Growing up, I was never small. I've always had weight to lose. It wasn't until the summer before my senior year that I finally dropped this extra weight that I'd been carrying around for so long. After this, I vowed to keep it off, and did so for many years.
Then, around the time I was 23, I noticed the weight begin to creep back on. I'm sure many things contributed to my weight gain (long work hours, poor diet, etc.), but probably the biggest factor was my newfound relationship with Jack Daniels (thinking about this now makes me want to puke).
I assumed when I got pregnant that my weight would stop climbing because I was no longer drinking. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. All of a sudden, I was hungry...like the wolf! I pretty much ate everything in sight for all 9 months of my pregnancy. I mean, it'll all fall off once I give birth, right?
Wrong.
After having Nico, I did lose some of the weight immediately, but there was a lot of weight that didn't come off. This is where Weight Watchers came in. I joined the summer after he was born and dropped about 30 pounds. I found it to be pretty easy because Dan was deployed and Nico was just a baby, so I didn't have to worry about cooking for him yet. But then Dan came home and there was more than myself to consider. This isn't to say that he wasn't supportive, because he was. But for some reason, I have a much harder time sticking to my diet when I'm living with someone who isn't dieting.
This seesaw of losing and gaining continued on for quite awhile, directly in relation to when my hubby was home. Then I got pregnant with Lola. Around this time, something clicked. I realized I needed to be healthy for my baby. And so I was (as much as I could be anyway). I joined the Y and began walking on the days I wasn't at the gym. I also began eating much better. I believe this combo of exercise and healthy eating made for a much easier pregnancy this go round. I only gained 27 pounds the entire pregnancy and lost it almost immediately after she was born.
After dropping the baby weight, I knew I had much more to lose and now had the motivation to do so. I started seriously following my Weight Watchers plan at the beginning of the year and lost about 12 more pounds. But then I got all sorts of messed up on our cross-county move back in March. After a couple months of eating like shit, I'd finally had enough and decided to try and lose 50 lbs. by Christmas (see post above). This probably would've been possible if I had followed my diet, but I didn't.
It's been obvious to me for a while now that I haven't been making myself and my health a priority. But why? Why is it that my family is well taken care of and my home (usually) looks immaculate, but I'm just not putting this same level of effort into myself? Maybe it's because it's easier to worry about everyone and everything else. Who knows? But what I do know is that I want to be healthy. And more than wanting to be healthy, I
need to be healthy. It is time that I put myself in the same regard as the other things that matter in my life.
I started doing Weight Watchers again yesterday and feel really good about it this time. A big part of the problem was calculating my points at dinner, since I was unable to figure out exactly how much I was eating. This should no longer be an issue since the dinners I've planned for the next two weeks are all low calorie, low fat and easy to count (a couple are even from my new Weight Watchers
cookbook).
I've decided not to set any public goals this time, but will be posting my weekly progress here each Monday. I'm not going to be giving out my starting weight because, quite frankly, it's nobody's business. I will say this though, I have quite a bit to lose, and know it's not going to happen overnight. But I will
lose it. This is my vow to myself.